ROMANCE IS DEAD.

 I just want to rip my heart out right now.  Because I would rather deal with the physical pain than the heartache that comes from deep feelings. I would rather deal with death than to deal with this constant ache with the voice of my brain telling me 'I told you so".

I never would have thought that I would feel this pain again. I feel like this black cloud has been following me around, waiting for the moment to just fall down on me and drown me.  Is it ever going to shine again? They say there's no rainbow without rain, well you need sun for that rainbow, don't you. All I have is darkness and the endless rain that just keeps crashing down on me, destroying everything. Maybe everything needs to be destroyed in order to be rebuilt again. I have definitely made mistakes, mistakes that were allowing the cloud to gather around me. And indeed it was me that set it off. My last mistake that I will regret. And not because of me, but because of you. You did not deserve that. Actually, you deserve better. So much better. I am just not good enough for either of you so you had the right to say you're out. You all have the right to say you don't want anything to do with me. And I say; you are right. I will not make this difficult for you, I will make this one thing easy, that's the least you all deserve;

So, no.

NO. My answer is no, to everything.  It never ever hurts more than right now, to do the right thing. But you all deserve better, you all deserve the right thing,  even if that means that this black cloud from hell will not leave me for quite some time. Just rain on me. Keep raining on me. Keep coming crashing down. Drown me. And when my lifeless body will float on the surface,  maybe then, and  only then, I will deserve a second chance at this.

And until then

Romance Is Dead.